What Marriage Equality Means To Me

            I didn’t make a choice to be gay. Why would someone make a choice to live a life where they are discriminated against, called horrible names, have fewer rights then others, and feel scared in public. No one would choose this life for themselves. I was born this way. This is who God has created me to be. I also didn’t choose to fall in love. When Amanda walked into my life, she walked straight into my heart. She literally took my breath away.

           

            When we got married this last summer in Lowell, MA, we were in a state that looked at our marriage with validity. We had the same rights as every other married couple in that state. Then we got on a plane and flew back to Texas. When we landed, I turned to Amanda and said, “Well we are no longer married.” Both of our hearts sunk. In Texas, we are not seen as equal in the eyes of others, our marriage isn’t valid, and we are considered second class citizens. Our marriage is the same as any straight couples. We talk about our future, we clean the house, we walk the dog, we go to church, etc. The only difference is our gender. Our gender makes us second class.

            A lot of people think that marriage equality is only about the government recognizing our marriage. Yes it is, but it is also more then that. These last few months, we have been attempting to get pregnant. I have always known since I was in my early 20’s that I probably wouldn’t be able to have a baby. Plus if I did get pregnant, there was the possibility that our child would be born with a seizure disorder that is very common in my family. So we set out to get Amanda pregnant. Long story short, we haven’t had any success and doctor is suggesting IVF. IVF is about 15 to 20 thousand dollars, we don’t have that money.

Both of us would love to have a child, more then anything. When we first started talking about children, we had talked about having one and maybe adopting one. Here is where marriage equality gets important. If you live in the state of Texas and are a heterosexual couple, you can adopt from the state. State adoption costs are nominal and you get tax benefits as well as adoption assistance. Some couples who adopt even receive monthly payments from the state until the child is 18. Since Amanda and I are a same-sex couple, we can’t adopt, we can’t even foster a child. Marriage equality would mean that we would be able to adopt from the state and help out a child in need.

Now you maybe asking, “Why not a private adoption?” That is a great question. Yes we could do a private adoption; however, not all private agencies are LGBT friendly and the cost is around 20K. It breaks my heart that there are so many children waiting for a home and many same-sex couples that would love to provide them but are turned away. How can that be right? With marriage equality, hundreds of children living in foster care or state housing could be provided a home to live in. This is one of the many reasons why marriage equality is important. It’s not just about Amanda and I, it’s about hundreds of couples and children that are being kept apart all because of who they love.

In the coming month, the US Supreme court will take up a marriage equality case that could make marriage equality law throughout the US. I hope and pray that this happens, not just for my sake, but the sake of many.