Tiny Fingers, Tiny Toes

Tiny fingers, tiny toes.

Future bright with possibilities.

Little trucks, stuffed animals, and sesame street fill your day.

You’ve only known the world for a year.

 

Everything gone in an instant, a second.

CPR

Chest compressions.

One, two, three

Breathe.

One, two, three

Breathe

 

The clock counting.

10:10

One, two, three,

Breathe.

15:13

One, two, three,

Breathe.

 

15 of us surround the bed,

Doctors, nurses, chaplain.

Hoping, praying.

“Dear God, make him breathe.”

One, two, three,

Breathe.

“God, he is only one.”

One, two, three,

Breathe.

“God, he has never experienced love.”

One, two, three,

Breathe.

“God, don’t take this little one.”

One, two, three,

Breathe.

 

Tiny fingers, tiny toes.

“Time of death, 18:20. Chaplin would you pray?”

Chaplain, “Why, God, why?”……

Important Documents For Same-Gender Couples

Recently I was asked to speak at Baylor Hospital to their CPE resident chaplains regarding pastoral care to LGBT people. One of the issues that I raised with them, that they were unaware of, is regarding medical documents. Many people don't realize, including same-sex couples, the legal documents that they need to have in order.

When an opposite-gender couple gets married, they automatically receive many benefits, including medical, financial, etc. If one partner ends up in the hospital, the other just has to tell the hospital that they are married and that partner gets to make medical decisions on behalf of their partner. This is not the case for same-gender couples. If a same-gender couple is legally married in a marriage equality state, and travel to a non-marriage equality state or live in a non-marriage equality state, that doesn't recognize their marriage, they have no legal rights. For example, if a couple is legally married in Minnesota but lives in or travels to Texas, their marriage is not recognized by the Texas government. If one of them would end up in the hospital, the other has not legal rights. In order for the couple to be protected, they need to have certain documents in order. 

Here is a list of all the important documents that same-gender loving couples need in order to be protected in a non-marriage equality state:

1) Medical and financial power of attorney: allows the partner to make medical and financial decisions for their incapacitated partner. If person dies, the POA is no longer valid.

2) Advance directive: a set of written instructions that a person gives that specifies what actions should be taken for their health, if they are no longer able to make decisions because of illness or incapacity.

3) Declaration of Guardian In the Event of Later Incapability: appoints a guardian in the event of any incapacity.

4) Disposition of Remains: allows a person to appoint someone specific to make decisions about his/her remains.

5) Will: is a legal declaration by which a person names one or more persons to manage his or her estate and provides for the distribution of his property at death. 

 It is important to have all of these documents in place in case something would happen. I would also recommend that you carry a copy with you anytime you travel, just in case something happens. I, for example, keep a copy in my car, my partner's car, and at home. When we travel, we take them with us. If something would happen, and you don't have these documents in place, then next of kin would be the one with legal rights. In most cases, this is a parent and not the partner. 

Sadly, many have encountered situations where they haven’t had these documents in place and they ended up with no rights. For example, one partner died and there were no documents in place. The other partner had no rights. Legal decisions were made by the parents of the deceased and the partner had no say in the funeral plans.

Some of these documents are available online, while others will need to be completed with an attorney. I can’t stress it enough; get your documents in place for your protection.  

In You I See God

In you I see God.

When you comfort your friends, I see God’s love flowing strong.

In you I see God, when you love abandoned creatures.

When you grieve with a friend, I see God’s tears slowly fall with yours.

In you I see God, when you grieve over my loss of what could have been.

When you hold me as the tears flow like rivers due to painful words from those who are blood, I feel your arms wrapped with God’s around me.

In you I see God, as I fall asleep in your arms.

In you I see God, love.

It's Not All Roses and Sunshine

"I love reading your Facebook posts because they are always so happy."

This recently was a comment said to me by a friend. I replied to him with the following, "Well thank you but it's not all roses and sunshine in our life." I say this because I feel like our world is forgetting what it means to be in community with each other. I know I have been guilty of this myself. We get so wrapped up in social media that we don't have conversations with people because we think we already know what is going on.

Yes, if you read my Facebook page, my life looks great: I'm engaged to the person of my dreams, I love my job, I'm going to graduate with my Master's of Divinity in May, and we have an adorable dog named Libby.

These are the things I post about on a daily basis. I post these joyful moments because they help me not to worry about the crap that goes on in our lives. Posting these things about our up and coming wedding help me forget about the worry that I have with paying for it. Where will the money come from? How can we afford this when my internship stipend hardly pays the bills? I love my internship site and the church I am pastoral interning at. I post about this because it helps me not to worry about May, when I won't have job anymore. What will I do for income once I graduate? I can't seek out a church because the earliest I can be ordained is October. Will someone hire me knowing it will be short term? How are we going to be able to have a child with very little income? These things I don't post about because they are depressing. There are moments I can forget them and then there are moments where they keep me awake at night, why worry others with them.

So back to my friends comment. When he said this to me, it got me thinking. How many of us are "putting on a face" on Facebook? Are we all really this happy? Do we really always love our dogs this much? Are our kids really that perfect? I'm guessing not. How many of our friends are truly hurting and worrying on the inside?

I mention this because maybe it's time that we step away from social media for a bit and have an actual conversation. When we are at home with our family, put the phone away and ask them how they felt about their day. When did you feel loved today? When did you feel hurt? When we are out having coffee with a friend, don't check in on Foursquare, check in with your friend: How are you feeling working at your job? What sort of stuff are you struggling with and can I help? When we are at church on Sunday morning, stop tweeting the sermon and start listening to it: How is God loving me in this moment? How am I sharing the love of God with others?

I know this means looking someone in the eyes and acknowledging their existence, but it also means that they are seeing you, hearing you. You are seeing them with new eyes and they are seeing you with new eyes. Step away from the falsehood and step into the truth of who you are in that moment. It maybe scary, but if everyone does it, no one is alone.

Peace.

Sometimes God makes me angry!

Yep, you read that right. God can really make me angry and today was one of those days.

After work, I ran to the grocery store to get groceries. I grabbed what I needed and got in the checkout line. In front of me was an elderly lady, probably in her 80′s, with her daughter. The cashier had rang up all of her groceries and put them in the woman’s shopping cart. The woman then tried to pay for her groceries, however, she couldn’t remember her pin number. Her daughter said to the cashier, “I’m so sorry she has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t remember things.” After three tries, the system locked her out of her card so she couldn’t use it anymore. Her daughter said she couldn’t pay for it because she only had $10 dollars to pay for her groceries. As I’m standing in line, here is the following conversation that is happening in my head between God and me.

God: “Heather, you need to pay for this woman’s groceries.”

Me: “No I don’t, she doesn’t remember her pin number it’s not my problem.”

God: “Yes it is, you are to help those in need.”

Me: “But I need the money to pay for my groceries, save for our wedding, pay our electric bill.”

God: “Heather, remember what I taught about taking care of the elderly and those in need.”

Me: “Dang IT GOD! No.”

God: “Heather, yes. It is only $22.92″

Me: “aslkdjfa;skdjfa;ksljdf”

If you can’t tell, I lost the argument. I then tried to get out of there as fast as possible before the woman realized what I had done, but it didn’t work. Now I’m home angry at God. I really hate it when God interferes with my daily plans.

I didn’t write about this because I want the attention, because I don’t. I wanted to write about this because being a christian and following God is dangerous business. You never know when God will show up and prompt you to do something. Sometimes its a positive experience and sometimes it can just upset me. Whatever the case, don’t fight it and just go with what God prompts you to do.